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FF : I Feel Nothing Part 6

February 20, 2012



Morning.

The sun was shining on her face…

Rays of light spreading down her neck and across her bare chest…

Arnav drank in the beautiful erotic sight…

Beautiful.

Eyes closed.

Little puffs of air softy escaping from her slightly open lips.

Thin sheet sculpting her soft body defining every part of her…

He had been gazing on her for what seemed like hours until she slowly started to stir in his arms…

Khushi’s eyes opened to the most delicious sight she thought she’d ever see…

Her Handsome husband staring down at her, completely captivated…

Reaching up, she was about to touch his cheek with her hand when …



*flashback*


Khushi fitfully slept…

Dreams haunting her…

She was frightened…

Her eyes opened suddenly…

Thanking God for waking her and helping her escape her dream, she saw the sun starting to peek through the curtains…

She shifted and turned to see Arnav facing her way…

Oh God!

This never happened…

He always had his back to her…always…

Khushi studied him…he seemed so peaceful.

His sleeping face would give anyone the impression that he was a kindhearted, gentle, caring man…

Feeling warmth spread over her, she lifted her hand to touch his cheek….

Like a waiting Lion, Arnav’s eyes opened…saw her hand…and grabbed her wrist, brutally lifting it above her head to the pillow as he loomed on top of her….

Through clenched teeth, he snarled at her…”don’t you EVER even think of touching me…”



*end of flashback*


Arnav grew concerned as Khushi’s eyes widened with worry… “Goodmorning…”

Suddenly terrified, Khushi sat up in bed…

A shooting pain struck her abdomen and her hands held onto her stomach…

She was no longer a virgin…

Oh no…we…we consummated…

Warily Arnav sat up and came close to her…”are you ok Khushi?…Khushi? Please let me look after you today…”

She turned her head to face him and what Arnav saw in her eyes was absolute terror…

“No, no, no, no, no…” Arnav stuttered…”I’m not angry…I’m not going to hurt you…or…”

His eyes lowered to her hands, that were now far behind her back, as though in fear of touching him…

The exact same flashback that Khushi had remembered flashed before his eyes…

“No Khushi…I’m so sorry for that time…I…I want your touch…I…”

Khushi literally jumped out of bed and bolted for the bathroom…

Arnav ran after her calling her  trying to grasp her hand and reassure her…

But she had slammed the door shut….

His gut clenched knowing that her fear was his fault…

Arnav heard her begin to cry…

Deep sobs that echoed within the small room…

He could see her tears in his mind…

Her every tear felt like a drop of acid on his heart…

Gently knocking on the door, he tried again…”Khushi…?”

Khushi felt hysterical and became desperate to drown him out…

She felt her hot tears drip down her face, her neck, down her chest…

She was bare.

Bare body, Bare emotions.

She turned on the cold water and quickly stood under the icy spray.

Shivering from the freezing liquid knifing onto her back, she wanted to lose her senses again…

She wanted to stop feeling…

Wanted the cold water to shock her and hopefully eradicate this nightmare she was in…

The stinging water made it difficult for her to breathe…

And she could only manage, small, distraught sobs…

I can’t take this pain…

Arnav’s own panic was setting in, and he continued to knock on the door, calling out to her…

“Khushi! Listen to me! I LOVE YOU! I’m not angry! I’m not going to hurt you!”

Flashbacks from the night before filled her head…


Arnav sliding his thick flesh deep into her body…


His words and passion bringing her to a shaking climax…


Arnav assuring her he loved her…


She was so confused …


She had hope and yet she had fear…


“Wh…what is true!? What is-” her head was spinning, and everything went dark…



………



Arnav was losing it…

His self control was going up in smoke…

He NEEDED to go in and assure her that he wasn’t angry, that he wouldn’t hurt her, that everything he said to her the night before was true!

“It’s all true!” he roared, as much to himself as to her…

The fact that the love of his life was horrifically scared of him made him want to savagely hurt himself…

“I can’t take it…I can’t!” he growled, and opened the door, bursting inside…

“Oh God! Khushi!!!”

He flew to her side as she started to faint…


Catching her before she could fall, he held her against his body…


“Shit!” he exclaimed when the ice water struck his back…


Damn it!


He continued to talk to her… “Khushi, Khushi! Wake up! Open your eyes sweetheart please!”  he held onto her tightly and turned on the warm water…


She was freezing…


He went under the water with her and let it heat her frozen skin…


Arnav didn’t know how he was going to survive…

Her pain was only fueling the obliterating pain that already consumed him…

As her skin began to thaw, she let out a small cough…

Seeing her head start to move he quickly started speaking softly near her hair…”you’re safe jaan, you’re safe…no one and nothing is going to hurt you…I promise…I’m here, I love you…please please don’t be frightened…” 

Arnav kept talking until she looked up at him…

Warm water was pelting their bodies as he held her tight…

Khushi saw her husband…

Arnavji..

He has beautiful eyes… 

His lips were moving, talking to her…assuring her…

And surprisingly, she felt calmer…she couldn’t see any sign of his anger…

“Are you okay?”

“Hmmm…”

“Are you okay?” he asked again smoothing his hand up and down her bare back…

Suddenly realizing their positions, she stiffened and tried to move away…”y…you…you can let go of me…I’m okay…I’m sorry…”

Arnav interrupted her saying, “I AM SORRY. You don’t need to be sorry for anything…please just let me take care of you today…I am not ever going to hurt you. I will never give you a reason to fear me ever again.”

Khushi, feeling totally bewildered, just nodded…

Arnav didn’t move straight away…

He stood holding her under the water just loving being able to hold her…

No erotic touching, no crazed need, he just wanted to hold her…

Finally loosened his hold on her, but he still had his arms lightly around her waist…

Turning off the water, he pulled a towel around her and heard her say, “I…I just need a minute…”

Arnav smiled…”Alright…I’ll go get dressed…but first I need something.”…

She pouted as she asked…”what do you need?”
“I need this…”  and he lowered his mouth to hers…

His kiss warmed her faster than the water did…

He kept kissing her until she relaxed into him with the sweetness, goodness and heat that filled the empty part of his soul.

He hadn’t understood the depth of the missing piece until she came into his life.



………………………..…….



Once he had begrudgingly pulled away from kissing her, he smiled and left the bathroom, dried off and dressed…

While he was waiting for her in their room, there was a knock on his door…

He mentally thanked God for keeping the throng of family that lived with him away from Khushi and himself last night…

If anyone had have interrupted them he may have actually attacked them…

He opened the door and saw Akash.

Arnav smiled, “Hi Akash…great morning isn’t it?”

Akash looked at him puzzled, “uh Bhai…you left me with a whole table full of business men yesterday afternoon… I finalized everything so it’s all ok…But what happened to you? Are you and Khushiji okay?”

Arnav made a surprised face, but soon started laughing hysterically…

He totally forgot about everything accept Khushi…

“Akash I’m sorry man! Khushi needed me because she was hurt and….” his voice suddenly disappeared…

Khushi was hurt.

Shyam hurt Khushi.

Shyam HIT Khushi.

He had pushed it from his mind, but now…now he was wide awake, and ready to avenge!

Fury boiled inside him.

This was going to be the end of Shyam’s sickening game.

Enough was enough…

Arnav’s train of thought was cut short when he heard Akash trying to talk to him again…

“Bhai?? How did Khushi get hurt? Is she okay? The family are actually quite worried about her as she apparently hasn’t been eating much and yet she’s still been doing all the chores and…”

“…wait…What!? What do you mean she hasn’t been eating?!” Arnav practically yelled. “Has everyone been so self involved that they couldn’t take care of MY wife!?”

Akash began to stutter…”B…Bhai, she has been shying away from everyone…she had said once that she wanted to eat near the poolside and we only found out a few days ago that even then she hadn’t been accepting any food…” 

Akash looked truly saddened…

Arnav took a deep breath…”Akash…everything is going to be different from this day. Can I depend on you for your support and help when I need it?”

He straightened…”ofcourse Bhai…you know my loyalty to you won’t change…”

“Thanks Akash, ” then Arnav heard the door behind him open and he turned to see his intoxicating wife…

He could hardly breathe looking at her as she was a vision in a bright yellow dress…

He unconsciously shut his bedroom door leaving Akash outside looking quite confused…

Khushi was at the mirror putting on her bangles…

Arnav came up next to her, and as she was about to pick up her bangles, he reached out for her hand saying, “let me…” and he looked into her eyes as he gently slid every bangle on her wrist…

Silently, he stood holding her hand and she was hypnotized by the look he was giving her…

Lifting her free hand, she pressed it on her heart…

Feeling a very soft ‘dhak dkah dhak dhak’, she whispered…”my …my heart is…”

“is mine…” said Arnav stepping closer…

Lifting his hand he moved her hair to one side and whispered kisses along the elegant line of her neck…

He kissed the slope of her shoulder and her skin broke out in goose flesh. 

“Have I mentioned how much I love tasting you here?” He repeatedly dragged openmouthed kisses over the bared flesh. 


Prickles of goose bumps followed in the wake of his marauding mouth…

“S… Stop… ”Khushi whispered…

She didn’t  sound convincing…

“Stop?” he asked quietly, not stopping…

“please…I can hardly breathe…”

Arnav lifted his face to hers…”I love you…”

She froze…

He could see that she couldn’t reciprocate his words yet…

And even though he knew she had every right to be guarded, it hurt his heart a little…

He gently kissed her lips, and then took her hand, and they went downstairs together…

As they entered the kitchen hand in hand, Anjali and Payal ran to Khushi and practically tore her away from Arnav…

They were hugging her, saying how much they had missed her and how sorry they were for blowing things out of proportion…

Arnav held on to her hand for as long as he could before she was finally tugged away from him…

He smiled at the love and attention Khushi was now getting, but his body felt cold now that he wasn’t touching her…

Akash walked up to Arnav and said, “Goodmorning…again…” and winked walking to sit down…

Once they were all seated  and Arnav was finally close to Khushi again his hand wandered beneath the table, finding her hand…

She stared blankly at the food in front of her…

“Eat Khushi…”

Her eyes glanced up, then back down…”Oh…okay…”

Slowly and cautiously, she started to pick at her breakfast…

All was quiet till Payal looked up at khushi with tears in her eyes, “I have missed this! I can’t believe…” 

“Please…” Khushi interrupted…”can we not talk of it ever again?…I have missed you all as well and don’t want to think back on this issue anymore….please….please…” 


Arnav saw Khushi trying to hold tears back and quickly spoke up…”lets just move on and enjoy our lives now…I know i’m enjoying mine.” he took Khushi’s hand and lifted it to his lips…”I am married to the woman who holds my heart…” all the women at the table were giggling and began playfully teasing him.


Arnav started to get irritated but soon  saw Khushi trying to hide a smile he realized he was willing endure anything, as long as she was happy……

As he lifted his coffee cup, he noticed that once face wasn’t present at the table.

Not that he WANTED to see that son of a bitch, but he would much rather KNOW where he is than not know…

Arnav leaned forwards and quietly asked Akash, who was sitting on his other side, “Where is jijaji??”

Akash looked up and said…”uh, i remember Di saying that he had hurt himself while trying to light a candle last night, so she made him promise to go to the doctor first thing in the morning…” 


Arnav smirked wickedly for a moment and thought…”if that bastard thought THAT burned, then he’s in for a whole new kind of fire…” 


His thoughts were interrupted by Anjali excitedly saying, “Payalji , Khushiji…how about we all go shopping today! We haven’t done anything together for a long time! Just us married ladies…” 


Payal was thrilled and chimed in, “oh yes Di! Let’s do that! What do you say Khushi?!” 


Khushi didn’t know what to say. 


This time a week ago she was huddled in a corner somewhere staring into space and now…


Now her husband was pursuing her, her family was trying to take her out shopping, and she was literally exhausted just from THINKING. 


“I…I just…” but as soon as she looked up at their expectant faces, she resigned and gave a small smile, “I think that would be a great idea…”

“I’ll come too.”

All faces turned towards the voice…

Anjali smiled and said, “Chote, it’s a GIRL’S day out…just for us married ladies…I’m sure you can live without khushi for…”

“I could never live without her…” Arnav interrupted, his voice laced with concern as he turned to stare at Khushi who was already looking at him…

He could see that she was stuck in the middle of everything…

Her expression was full of confusion…

Anjali shook her head and said, “if you’d have let me finish chote…I’m sure you can live without Khushi for a few hours…she’ll be with us…”

Arnav darted looks between Khushi and Anjali…” look, I really would like to come…”he started saying only to have his words come to a halt seeing a creepy figure enter the room…

“Shyamij!? Are you okay!? Was the gash serious?” Anjali interrupted Arnav’s violent thoughts as she got up to hug her monsterous husband…

Shyam’s eyes looked up, first honing in on Khushi, but Arnav moved closer to her giving him a stare of warning…

“Yes, the doctor said i’d be fine. It wasn’t that serious. ..” Shyam said while glancing back at Arnav…”so i hear you are all going out shopping, shall I come with you rani saba?” …

“NO!” Arnav blurted out with fury…“Di has just finished telling me that it will just be her, Payal and MY WIFE..besides, Akash and I need to discuss something  with you…”  

A worried expression flashed across Shyam’s face… 

Akash, who was totally unaware of this “discussion”, just stared dumbly up at Arnav and saw the famous “Arnav Singh Raizada” expression plastered on his face. 

Arnav looked like this when he would be ready to fight his point at a business meeting…

Akash became highly suspicious of what was about to be revealed…




………………..………..



Anjali and Payal had started making lists on what to look at and buy…

Nani was chipping in on clothes and colors that would suit them…

But Arnav only had eyes for Khushi…

He held her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze…

Khushi  let their eyes linger on his, and both immediately got lost…

Anjali and Payal were the first to notice…

Payal nudged Nani who tapped on Akash’s arm and they all at once said, “excuse us…”…jolting them back into reality. 

Arnav and Khushi’s faces went red…

After all the “oooh-ing and ahhh-ing” over their obvious obsession with each other, Anjali announced that they were ready to go…

The ladies were accompanied to the car by their husbands…

Akash held Payals hand and said goodbye. 

Shyam hugged Anjali and told her to go slowly.

Arnav quickly pulled Akash aside and said for him to get Shyam and for them to wait for him in the lounge… 

He watched as Akash and Shyam walked back inside…

As Arnav and Khushi reached the car he pulled her to a stop…

He was already dreading the next two hours…

Winding one arm around her waist and his other arm around her neck, he drew her close……

“Have fun…I’ll miss you…when you get home, things will be very different…”  he said with his lips brushing her ear…

Khushi clutched Arnav’s shirt and said with a shaky voice, “pl…please don’t get mad at me when I say this…but…please don’t do anything that will distress Anjaliji…she’s very close to her due date and I don’t want anything to happen…please…please don’t make it harder for her yet…please arnavji…” 

Arnav heard her pleads, and his heart hurt.

“But…I want you safe…I want what’s best for you…”

“Please…please…for Anjaliji…please…”

He silenced her with a soft kiss and sighed…”I can’t deny you anything…I will make sure Anjali isn’t distressed before her baby comes, but afterwards…” and his eyes bore into her eyes in all seriousness…”afterwards, I am going to end Shyam’s facade. I will not let it go on. I don’t want it to go on now. But for you, and ONLY you, I will wait…” 

Relief swept through her…”not for me, for Anjali…” 

Arnav held Khushi’s chin, forcing her to look at him…”no jaan, everything I do now, I do for you…” 

Khushi stared at him in disbelief…

He didn’t get angry…he doesn’t even LOOK angry…

Arnav held her hand as she climbed into the car… 

Before he shut the door, he told them all to be careful and to have a great time together… 

And he stood watching, till the car was out of sight…


………………..


Arnav, suddenly feeling like part of his soul was missing, quickly looked for a way to occupy his time…

He had promised Khushi he wouldn’t do anything to distress his Di…but…a telltale smirk came onto his face…

He marched into the house and saw Akash and Shyam sitting on the couch talking…

Scanning the room quickly for anyone else, he asked a servant where mami, and nani were…they were both upstairs…

Arnav told the servant to alert him immediately when one of them was coming down…

The servant just nodded and Arnav’s face shot back, looking directly at Shyam…

Just the 3 of them. 

Shyam could feel Arnav looking at him even before he saw him… 

“Saale Saab won’t do anything…” he thought…”he doesn’t want everyone to know the real situation…he would have to badmouth Khushi for being in love with me too…and he wouldn’t do that when rani saba and Khushi are finally friends again…he wouldn’t want his sister to be upset…” 

So Shyam relaxed back in his seat and said, “Saale Saab! Come, join us…we were just talking about how great it is that Khushi will be around us more often…” 

A sick smile was creeping on his face….

Hearing Shyam speak Khushi’s name made Arnav’s blood boil. . . 

He walked with an even pace till he stood directly in front of Shyam…

His voice was deathly quiet as he spoke…“Akash” …Arnav said, still looking directly at Shyam…

“Yes Bhai…” Akash was getting really intrigued with the look on Arnav’s face…..

“Remember our conversation from this morning? When you knocked on my bedroom door?” 

“yes Bhai, i remember…”

“I trust that you meant what you said…” Arnav said, starting to clench his fists at his side…

“Bhai…” his nerves were growing…”I meant it. Nothing will ever change that…but Bhai, what’s going on?”

“Yes Saale Saab, what’s so important…” Shyam said, trying to sound innocent…

“Well,” Arnav spoke firmly…”Akash, I want you to be the first to know…”

And with that…Arnav roughly grabbed Shyam by the collar and lifted him from the couch, dragging him to the middle of the room between the lounge and stairs…

Akash was speechless and absolutely shocked just standing, open mouthed, unable to utter anything…

“I want you to know what really has been happening here…” Arnav’s voice was scorching… 

Holding Shyams collar with one hand he brought his other  fist up  and punched Shyam square in the jaw…

“BHAI!”

Still holding Shyam’s shirt, Arnav continued talking telling a totally stunned Akash how it all started…

Paying guest…*hit*…

Cheating on Di by becoming engaged to Khushi…*hit*… 

Hurting both families…*hit*… 

and finally …Arnav’s fist tightening violently…

Hurting Khushi…*hit*…

Bruising her…*hit*…

Dishonoring her…*hit*…

Disrespecting her…*hit*…

“He made me believe the worst! And I…I treated her like DIRT! BELIEVEING AN ASSHOLE LIKE HIM!!!”

Arnav, completely out of control, yelled, “For the last time! You have hurt MY WIFE for the last time!!!!!” 

Akash saw that Arnav was in for the kill, and ran up to hold him back…

As Akash pulled him away, Shyam fell to the floor, his face bleeding, and unconscious…

Arnav instantly broke down…

He scrambled away from Shyam’s body and let out gut wrenching sobs…”I hurt her…I told her I hated her…I insulted her…I made her go through it all alone!!!! FUCK IT ALL!!!”

“Bhai, listen to me…”

Arnav grabbed Akash’s shirt…”Shyam told me that Khushi was in love with him! Why did i believe him!!!?? I didn’t even give Khushi a chance to explain! I didn’t even tell her why I blackmailed her into marrying me!…..” 

Akash held onto Arnav, just letting him speak, letting him vent…

“I love that woman. I love her. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH KHUSHI, and yet I did all that to her!!!” 

“Bhai, listen to me for a moment…I believe you about Shyam…I have known about Shyam’s involvement with the Gupta family for a week now. Payalji told me. She was falling apart over her sister’s deterioration.” 

Arnav went motionless…

He finally registered what Akash said, and anger welled up inside him…

“you KNEW! YOU fucking knew! And you didn’t tell me!? You didn’t tell me!!!”

Seeing Arnav’s fury coming back, Akash quickly spoke, “Payalji told me to stay silent…she had been sworn silent by Khushi…Khushi didn’t want to explain to anyone…she said no one would have believed her…” 

Arnav again felt heavy with pain and guilt, he knew he wouldn’t have believed her either…

The deceit that Shyam made him believe was the root of the problem…That and his own pride. 

Arnav had felt betrayed. 

Arnav had felt cheated on. 

And his pride over ruled any form of rational thinking…

“Oh God Akash…I wouldn’t have believed her either…had I not heard Shyam confess it himself…I have no right to even look at her after all the things I’ve put her through…”

Akash pulled Arnav  up off the floor and told him to sit down on the sofa…

“I’m trying to make things right…” Arnav said, resting his head in his hands…”I love her so much…all through this O have loved her so much…but…if I wouldn’t forgive me, how can i expect HER to forgive me…” 

Akash put his hand on his brother’s shoulder…”Khushiji loves you. I know. She has for a long time. Her heart is so pure. I’m sure she has already forgiven you…She is just cautious now…We’ve been watching her fade away for weeks, and being exposed to this environment only made it worse…just love her Bhai…and don’t stop…don’t give her a reason to doubt you…and be patient with her…”

Arnav drank in everything that Akash had said…”I have already made my mind up that I will never stop trying to make up for what I have done…that I’ll never stop loving her…that I’ll never stop SHOWING her how much i love her…but…what if that doesn’t bring the old Khushi back…?”

Akash had no answer…

“She’s scared of me… She has moments where I see her reappearing only to disappear just as quickly….” 

Arnav closed his eyes…and he heard a voice inside telling him…”do not give up…do not give up…go not give up…” 

Over and over and over he heard this…

And he knew…he’d been asking God constantly…”What should I do to bring Khushi back? What should I do to bring Khushi back?” 

And now he had heard his answer…

Arnav stood and stated confidently, “Khushi is MINE Akash…and I will not give up.” 

Akash got to his feet and faced his brother… “You mustn’t give up. Believe that God will help you right this. Believe in your love for Khushi.”

“Akash, you have to help me. I now know I have someone else in this house who can help me deal with shyam…”

“anything Bhai, you know ‘i’ll always support you…”

Feeling stronger, Arnav stood up and called for some servants  to carry Shyam to his room and lock him in.

Akash was even more at ease now that ASR was back in the room…

“Akash, I told Khushi that I wouldn’t reveal anything till Di has had the baby…Khushi pleaded with me to wait…”

“okay, then we need to go and have another talk with that devil upstairs…” Akash said, and he and Arnav  walked upstairs together…feeling stronger with every step.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 2, 2012 8:21 pm

    the beauty and the intensity of your stories gives hope to me also that i will be able to survive my lonely terrible battle. thx!

  2. November 5, 2013 9:09 pm

    Absolutely beautiful .. Always so well written … U can rewrite these chapters any number of times Sarah .. And I will read every version over and over again … You should publish books. You will get royalty for years tO come

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