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FF : I Feel Everything Part 26

August 19, 2012

Damn it all to hell.
What could he do?
How could he help her?
“Khushi…I…I swore I ‘d protect you and…I haven’t…” his eyes began to fill with tears…”I haven’t…Khushi…I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner…
She nodded, though she still didn’t raise her eyes to his.
“It’s…it’s ok… Thank—thank you for . . .”
“Don’t,” he said through his teeth.
This time her face rose to his, and though he knew what he’d see, his breath still caught in his chest, his blood still froze in his veins.
He’d kill the bastard.
Her eyes…
Pain and confusion clear in their gray depth.
“Do NOT thank me. For God’s sake, Khushi…” He paced away from her toward the door, fisted his hands and shoved them in his pockets to keep from ripping something apart.
“Do not thank me. I didn’t do shit. I didn’t . . .” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re so precious and I can’t stand the thought of how hurt you are…and it’s all my fucking fault for neglecting you once again…”
Khushi sat there looking at him.
Her face hurt.
Hell, her entire body ached, pulled and jerked.
Arnav stood before her, hands balled in his pockets.
Such a tall man, proud and strong.
The lines on his face were hard and unforgiving.
When his eyes opened, her breath caught again at the storming rage lighting his eyes from within.
“I shouldn’t  have left . . . I wasn’t thinking . . . I…Damn it all to hell,” he finished on a sigh. “Tell me what I can do to help you.” A muscle jumped in his jaw, the corners of his mouth tight, and then she saw the shine in his eyes and something inside her squeezed.
“I’m…I want to help you but I don’t know what to do…I caused this and…and I’m afraid to get too close to you.”
Her heart dropped…
Shame came in a hard, fast wave.
“I’m afraid I’ll scare you again… I don’t want to scare you,” he said softly. “I just want to . . . to . . . to . . .”
“To what?” she asked.
She saw him swallow; his jaw moved back and forth.
“I want to hold you and tell you everything’s going to be okay. I want to take all your pain away. I want to go back to this morning and . . .”
He stopped and shook his head.
“I don’t want to frighten you. I never want to frighten you. I don’t want you to hurt anymore, in any way.”
As tears rolled down her cheeks, Arnav slowly, he walked to her.
He stood in front of her, but she didn’t look up, instead stared at the silver buckle of his belt.
He squatted back down so that he was at eye level with her.
Gently, he reached up and cupped her face, his thumb caressing her cheek with the softest touch.
Carefully, he leaned forward and kissed her hair.
When he straightened, his gaze locked with hers. His eyes said it all.
Determined fury mixed with the promise of retribution.
His voice roughened over the words, “What can I do? What do you need?”
Khushi took a deep trembling breath.
“Clothes. I need some clothes.”
“They’re out on the bed.” Quickly, he rose, turned, and in seconds he was back holding out a soft cotton clothes…
“Do you need some help?” he asked.
Khushi shook her head.
Still he stood there a few feet away.
A beat passed.
“I can’t leave…I need to help you, to be with you…”
His heart began to cry out in pain…”Khushi…Please…”
Finally, he stepped out and closed the door softly.
Khushi closed her eyes and turned…
When her lids flickered open, she beheld her image in the mirror…
Saddness hovered over her head…
And though it hurt, Khushi dressed herself, combed her hair, and tried to cover up her bruised face…
“They want to talk to you. But if you’d rather wait until tomorrow or another time, that’s fine and we’ll just go home.”
She closed her eyes. 
“No, that’s fine. I’ll—I’ll talk to them,” she said softly.
Though the robe was thick, it did little to warm her as the cold started to seep back into her bones.
Closing her eyes, she said aloud, but quietly, “I survived before and I’ll survive again.”
A shiver danced down her spine. It could have been worse.
Shyam could have finished what he started.
He could have actually raped her.
The calls and threats were bad enough.
But then, being face to face with him…the whispers, the helplessness of it all, on top of all the buried memories . . .
The trembling started again.
“I am strong. I am strong. I—I—I am strong.” She thought firmly, wiped the tear from her eye, then stood and faced the mirror.
The sight made her tremble.
“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay,” she repeated, hoping she would believe the mantra.
But the woman staring back at her reminded her too much of a past she’d tried to leave behind.
Shyam may have tried to break her, but he wouldn’t.
He wouldn’t.
She might crack and tremble, shake and fear, but she would—not—break.
The cup of tea warmed her palms.
She shifted on the bed again, the pull in her ribs catching her breath.
The two policemen stood off to the side.
Arnav had glued himself beside her the second she walked out of the bathroom.
He sat beside her on the bed and his body next to hers was a warm comfort.
Though at times, she stiffened at his touch.
And she hated that, even as she couldn’t seem to help it.
One of the officers cleared his throat.
“Mrs. Raizada, would you rather do this alone?”
The tea jiggled when she jerked. 
Arnav was about to growl is anger towards the man’s audacity at asking such a question, but she reached one hand out and laid it on top of his on his thigh.
“Stay. Please?”
His heart lept…“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere…I swear…” He turned his hand over and laced his fingers with hers.
She didn’t know if she was more relieved or nervous.
Taking a deep breath, she nodded, though
Khushi didn’t look at either of them.
“Mrs. Raizada…” one man said, “can you walk us through what happened? From the beginning?”
She took a deep breath and started her story.
Jerky at first, but smoother as the words came forth.
“I had fallen to the ground…I couldn’t move…and…then the man lifted me and put me in the backseat of a dark car…right on the lap of…of Shyam…he spoke to me…I still couldn’t move…I was numb…I saw him inject my arm, but didn’t feel anything…then I just…I passed out…”
Her hand shook in Arnav’s and he tightened his hold on her.
Licking her lips, she started again.
With each word, she was aware of the man next to her tightening, coiling his energies, ready to strike out.
“That’s it. That’s all I remember,” she said.
“How long do you think you were unconscious?” the policeman asked softly.
The cold had settled in her bones again, and Khushi could feel the tremors start.
“I—I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“The sedative he gave you was not very strong, so you wouldn’t have been out long…”
Khushi still couldn’t look up.
She just held on to Arnav’s hand.
“Then what happened when you woke up?”
Khushi felt the onset of tears…“I don’t know. I don’t know what he did to me while I—while I . . . When I couldn’t.”
She took a deep shuddering breath and wiped a tear from her cheek.
“When I w-woke up. Things were foggy, fuzzy. I couldn’t focus.”
She blew the breath out and whispered, “I—I was already . . . He’d already . . . I was trapped…” She brought her free hand up to shade her eyes, cursing the fear that roared like a clawing beast…
Arnav was ready to explode…he held her as close as he could with out hurting her…
He wanted her to stop.
Stop talking.
He wanted to erase this from her life completely…
Just as he was about to demand that the questioning be over, he felt her move closer to him and say…“I don’t—I don’t wan—want to talk about this anymore, please.”
His heart shattered seeing her tears…
Arnav pulled her close and she felt his lips against her head.
“…please…I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she whispered into his chest.
He moved his palm gently over her back and whispered…”Shhh, shh sweetheart…You don’t have to say anymore…shhh…”
“…but is she okay?” Anjali said nervously…
“Chote said that she is…”
“But how could he do this! I loved him! How could he! Nani, I just don’t understand…”
“Di, please…look, your daughter…she’s beautiful, and you were so brave through the labor! We are here for you…”
Payal still had not heard from Akash and was secretly panicking.
“Payal Bitiya is right. Look at this little…”
That second the baby began to screech.
“…look at this little LOUD baby…” Nani smiled
Anjali lifted the newborn to her chest and held her close…”She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen…”
“Did you want me to call Chote again?”
Anjali paused but shook her head and smiled…”No…He is where he needs to be…And so am I…”
“You’re sending her home?! Look at her! She needs …”
The doctor interrupted him…”She needs rest, love, care and you. Yes she’s still very banged up, but she is okay. Take her home.  The man who attacked her is back in jail. She is safe now.”
Arnav looked over to Khushi.
She was nervous about returning home.
The memories haunted her.
“Mrs. Raizada. Just take things easy until you’ve healed. And there is a professional councellor in the hospital if you need to talk about anything…”
Staying silent, Khushi nodded and looked down at her hands…
Arnav felt like he was falling to pieces…
All those months where she said she didn’t feel anything, where she was hurting for all the mistakes he had made, and now…now she was right back there…and it was all his fault.
He cursed himself every time a tear would sparkle down her face…
Walking to the couch, he leaned down and carefully picked her up, cradling her against his chest…
He could feel her body trembling.
Arnav had asked HP to bring his car to the hospital so he could sit in the backseat and hold Khushi.
The drive home was silent except for Khushi’s hurried breath against his chest…
She was in pain…
Her body was burrowed into him.
At a traffic light, he leaned over and retrieved a bottle of water.
Without moving her, he jostled one of the white oblong painkillers out of the bottle.
“Here, sweetheart. You need this.”
“Can-can’t. Doctor said four hours. Drugs in my system. Concussion.”
Why in the hell wasn’t she in the hospital?
“You should be at hospital…”
“No!” Her hand shook as it covered his with the pill… “Please. I hate those places. Please.”
“Okay… Okay, whatever you want.”
He put the pill back in its bottle and held the water up to her lips and watched as she took a drink.
Pulling back, hissing, her tongue darted out to lick her lips.
“He…he could have…” she murmured, curling up in his lap.
“No Khushi!” he held her close, yet loosely… “He’s never getting near you again.”
Arnav wanted to rip the monster apart piece by slow piece.
It didn’t matter how damn long it took.
One day, he’d find the son of a bitch, and when he did, he’d make the bastard beg for mercy long and hard before he finished with him.
No one…NO ONE hurt the woman he loved and got away with it.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 19, 2012 4:26 am

    Fab update love how u r taking her recovery to the horrible incident slowlyArnav feeling guilty of what has taken place is doing good job at being a caring husbandUndercoverhappy

  2. August 20, 2012 3:44 am

    poor khushi and arnav finally the recovered only to be dragged through hell again asr guilt of choosing his sister again and leaving khushi alone is eating him up she is not sure if she was raped awesome update

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