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OS : We Missed The Moment Part 4

November 1, 2012

I need some of my readers to realize somthing before I post my next update.
I want to share something with you all.
I work for “Beyond Blue”
The main focus of “Beyond Blue” is to help people with major depressive disorders. Plus also helping the family and friends around that person to understand more about what’s really going on.
When someone ‘threatens’ to end things, they are crying out for HELP – not judgement-  they are trying to get the other person to realize the pain they are in.
They come to a conclusion that they have to blackmail another person in order to get them to realize that something is wrong. It is NOT right of them, but you have to remember that you are dealing with someone who has become so hurt that they are trying the last thing they can think of.
Then it comes to someone who doesn’t threaten, who doesn’t blackmail…someone who just goes away quietly.
This is dangerous.
This is in no way cowardly.
To put THAT type of blame on someone who has been mentally and emotionally driven to this type of agong is heartless and completely wrong.
Even PROFESSIONALS don’t put the blame on the person! It is the friends and family around them that don’t understand what’s truly going on that judge.
Depression is not just a ‘feeling’. It is serious.
When the heart hurts so much, it becomes unfocused.
Most people who try to end things, don’t even realize what they are doing at the time…all they can think of is stopping the pain they are in.
Why judge someone who is trying to escape from pain?
Why tell them they are a coward?


Part 4






Arnav’s hands shook at he lifted the papers to his eyes…
The ink from the writing appeared distorted but the words were still clear…
The clouds in our life are going no where…
The rain keeps coming down…
I thought that our married life would bring us closer, but it only made us drift further apart…
He shook his head in fear and held her hand tighter saying… “Khushi…don’t fade away! Let me reach you!”
I hope you get this message that I’m leaving for you…
His voice tore out from his throat as he replied to each sentence he read…”Don’t leave me Khushi! You have my heart!”
Because I’d hate to leave without you hearing the words that I need you to…
Whatever it is in our relationship that was missing…I hope you find it…

“From the first time saw you! You had my heart! Even when I yelled at you in anger!!!”
I hope it’s everything you dreamed of…

“YOU have all of me Khushi…! Come back!”

I hope you’re happy, because wherever I am, I want you to know this, I love you, and nothing can change that…
“No Khushi…!” he screamed as he crumpled the paper up and threw it away…
He leaned over her, planting his hands on either side of her head…
Wanting to yell for her to wake up was warring with the crippling fear that she never would…
He stared motionless at her…
Her pale face, her mouth covered with a respirator helping her stay alive…
He softly trailed his fingers down the side of her cheek, seeing the tear stains…
Adrenaline began to pulse through his veins and his hands began to shake.
Dreaming…
Khushi’s mind soared as she slept…
She saw her husband…
He was everything she’d thought she needed in a man, and yet as he walked closer, she felt herself fading…
“Khushi…don’t fade away! Let me reach you!”
But every closer step he took, she floated further into the distance..
“Don’t leave me Khushi! You have my heart!”
Suddenly feeling stronger, she challenged him…”Since when? Since when has your heart been with me?”
Arnav continued to try and get closer, but like oil to water, he couldn’t break through to her…
“From the first time saw you!” He shouted as he picked up the pace…
“You had my heart when I yelled at you in anger!!!”
Khushi tried to reach out to him…
“You have all of me Khushi…! Come back!”
Khushi was now straining to hear him…”Something is pulling me away…”
“No Khushi…!”
“It’s too strong for me!”
Running as fast as he could, Arnav couldn’t make it…
And as a dripped down her cheek, Khushi felt herself disappear…
Arnav had contacted the family to tell them of her overdose…
As Khushi’s distraught sister ran into the room, she clutched at Khushi’s hand as her loud cries echoed around them…
“No! Khushi! Why! Why did you do this!? Why!”
Arnav took wavering steps back and leaned against the wall for support…
“I…I did this to her…” he mumbled to himself.
When he lifted his head from the wall, he heard Payal say…”Khushi?! Khushi!!!! DOCTOR!!!!! She’s squeezing my hand!!!!”
A sudden burst of hope gave him the energy to run across the room.
Arnav screamed for the doctor again and soon the familiar face of the intensive care leader entered the room .
As the doctor lifted her eye lids and shone a light softly into her pupils, Arnav saw them moving…
“Khushi?” Payal said gently…”Khushi can you hear me?”
And as Arnav held his breath, he saw Khushi’s eyes slowly open and try to focus…
Unable to breathe still, he remained still, watching her…
“Khushi…” Payal choked out her words…”K…Khushi…can you hear me? Are you…are you okay?”
Blinking slowly, Khushi murmered…”I’m fine Jiji, why are you crying? What’s wrong?”
Arnav sank to his knees as a numbness started in his feet and quickly swam through the rest of his body.
The lump in his throat made it hard for him to swallow and his vision blurred as an overwhelming feeling of guilt weighed heavy on his heart.
“Mrs Raizada, your sister is fine, YOU…do you know where you are?”
Khushi groggily widened her red swollen eyes and assessed her surroundings.
“Where…where am I?”
Khushi let her eyes scan the room.
The clock on the wall said it was almost half past ten in the morning…
The monitors, bleak white walls, and rattling trays proved she was in a hospital ward…
She bit her bottom lip and attempted to hold back the tears that threatened to slip down her cheeks at any moment.
She turned her attention back towards the doctor…”Why is it so early? Why am I in a hospital?”
Arnav tried to stand, but his legs couldn’t hold him…
“She sounds so lost…” he thought…”she sounds like someone else…not my Khushi…”
Holding her hand tight, Payal gently touched Khushi’s face…”You will be alright Khushi…I promise you…I will look after you…”
Khushi tried to pull the mask off her face…”What are you talking about…I…I’m…I…”
Her breathing began to get laboured and stifled…
“No, No Mrs. Raizada, you have to leave this on…Your lungs still aren’t strong enough to breathe on their own…”
Payal was desperately trying to stop herself from breaking down…”Khushi…Khushi you…you took too many sleeping tablets…you were rushed to hospital…and…”
Khushi’s eyes began to cloud…
Her mind began to rewind…
All the pain she had felt before rode on a fierce wave, and slammed back into her…
“I did WHAT!?! NO! I…I wouldn’t…” her eyes burned with tears…”I…I did…I heard…I heard Ar…Arnavji…banging on the door…and I…Oh GOD!”
Her crying was now interfering with her breathing and the doctor quickly gave her a shot to calm her…
“Khushi…Khushi please, calm down!”
“Oh my God Jiji…I can’t live like this…I’m in so much pain…I can’t feel my own heartbeat anymore…I…”
Payal looked over towards Arnav…
He was on his knees…on the floor…his head hanging low…
She saw tears dropping to the shining hospital floor…
“Jiji…help me, I can’t breathe…I…”
“Shhh…Shhh Khushi…It’s alright…I’m here…I’m here with you…”
As Payal gently caressed her forehead, Khushi began to calm and eventually fall asleep…
Releasing Khushi’s hand, Payal now stood in front of Arnav.
“What have you done…” she said in anger…
“I…I didn’t pay any attention to what she was feeling…I got insulted by her distrust in me…and…” Arnav stopped…he heard the sheer stupidity in what he was saying…
Anjali had been listening through the door and now entered…”You promised Khushiji that you would protect her…You promised ME that you would protect her! You said you LOVED her Chote!”
Unabated fury made his head snap up…”I DO LOVE HER! MORE THAN ANYTHING!”
“Liar…”
Arnav saw NK standing behind Anjali…
He tried to stand again, but Payal took a loud step forwards…”NO. Nanheji is right…THIS is not love…”
“You married her to protect me Chote…Why didn’t you just let the poor girl go…why didn’t you just let her live happily…”
Silence…
“Arnavji?” …
Arnav heard her call and instantly got to his feet…
He rushed to her bedside and took her limp hand…”Khushi, I’m here…I’m here with you…I’m not leaving you…I’m right here…”
Her eyes opened and finally he saw her…
He saw her dying inside…
“Khushi…I’m…” he couldn’t even bring himself to say sorry…because it practically meant nothing to her anymore…
“I…I told you once before…I don’t want to stand in the way of your happiness…”
Arnav wiped the tears dripping from her eyes…”Khushi, YOU are my happiness…”
She took a long breath…”No…I can’t be someone’s happiness at the expense of my own…Please let me go…Please…I don’t want to be with you anymore…”
3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 1, 2012 4:01 am

    When does a person know what is their own happiness?Is it correct to say 'if you are happy, then i am happy'. is that sufficient?just another ramble.is he going to let her go?

  2. November 2, 2012 1:20 am

    Loved the line “I can’t be someone’s happiness at the expense of my own”…I hope that something like this actually happens the show and Arnav realizes how neglectful he’s been to her…

  3. November 17, 2013 3:48 pm

    Beautifully portrayed their emotions…
    excellent update

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