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I Feel Nothing REBOOT Part 10

November 11, 2013

 

“You want to take me on a business trip?”

Arnav smiled at her confusion but also felt sad that she didn’t realize that SHE came first to him …


“Khushi,” he whispered…”i am not going to do any work for the next few days…and in those few days, i want to take you away…so i can spend some time with you…just you and me…no work…not for work at all…just for you…i don’t know if i can explain it any clearer…”
 
Khushi still couldn’t register what he was saying…”but what about your work…? I don’t understand…? What would i be doing?  I don’t know…I don’t understand… “

She searched his face, and he quickly placed his fingers on her lips to quieten her…


“Khushi….i left you alone the night we were married…and i never began showed you how much i truly love you, till recently…if i could rewind all those days and nights i would spend every damn second at your side proving that I’M worthy to have YOU…so now, i’m asking you…will you come away with me….”


Khushi stilled …


“Khushi?”


“I…I need to think…will you please give me a minute?”


Arnav nodded and kissed her hand, stood up and walked toward the door…”I’ll be back in a few minutes…”
 

………..

Buaji and Garima had already said their ‘goodbyes’…

Their concern for Khushi seemed to dissipate once Arnav had taken her upstairs…


Once the door shut, the family hurried upstairs to check on Khushi…


Before Anjali could even knock on the door, it swung open.


Arnav walked swiftly out, closing the door quietly.

 
“Chote? How is Khushiji? Can we speak to her?” Anjali looked at Arnav concerned…

“she just wants some time to think for a minute…i asked her to come away with me for a few days…”
 
“WHAT? I know that you’re trying to make things right with her, but she’s my sister and i want to spend time with her too! Do you even know how I’VE hurt her!? I told her she was no longer my sister! I avoided her! And i did it all so easily!”

Payal started to cry as shame covered her face…


Akash went to Hug his wife, trying to calm her…”We all want to show Khushi how repentant we are…..” 
 
Arnav strengthened his stance and glared at them…”Would you all stop and listen to yourselves!?!!” his anger was swelling inside him…” you are all so bloody concerned about redeeming YOURSELVES!”….

……………….
 

Khushi watched walk out…

She sat staring blankly into nothingness.


“Arnavji wants to take me away? Why? He loves me. But why all this?”


Her head started to hurt from all the changes happening…


Then she heard chatter outside the door…


Payal, Akash, Anjali, Arnavji.


All of them retelling all the things they did to her.


Khushi closed her eyes.


Every detail of what had happened started coming before her.


Memories that she’d suppressed…never wanting to remember…


The hurt was rising again…


Her sister avoiding her…her family disowning her…her husband deserting and abusing her…her new family not accepting her…


“why are they changing so suddenly towards me now?? ? Why couldn’t they believe my innocence before? Did ANY of them truly know me? Know my character? Know that i would never…” 


She had a sharp pain in her chest, her breath becoming harder to catch…panic attack. 


The last time I had a panic attack was when………when…….


Khushi clutched her head covering her ears to drown out the loud screeching of tyres and crashing of cars that resounded in her mind……


When her parents were killed. 


That day she had never known such sadness. 


Never known such pain. 


She recalled running away and being found by people who accepted her, adopted her and made her life happy again…but now even that family were rejecting her…


The same panic attack was showing her that she was the same as when she was 8 years old…alone…and confused…


Tears ran down her face, not stopping, constantly flowing …


She stood up, not even bothering to think…


All she knew, was that she had to break free again…


“nothing is going to help me now…i can’t heal from this unless i run away…”


Her words broke what was left of her heart…


She had given all her love to these people…all of it…


Khushi picked up the phone and called her home, or what used to be her home…


Garima answered, and Khushi felt knives strike her heart when she heard the voice that once soothed all her worries…


“Amma? Th…thankyou for all that you did for me. But i need to disappear. Tell arnavji that I am sorry. Goodbye amma…” and with that she hung up the phone…and hung up her heart…

 
Khushi took nothing with her.

No clothes. No jewellery.


But when she looked at her mangalsutra she couldn’t take it off…


This is the only thing that will hold me to Arnavji…even when he moves on after me…I will still be tied to him…


Walking out to the poolside, she turned off all the lights…


Darkness…


Her eyes slammed shut….”I want to run. I need to run. Buy why can’t i move. The pain i feel is making me die daily. But why can’t i leave…”

Khushi was speaking to the stars…


Her Amma, her Babuji…


“I was used to my life…I learned to cope with all the pain…I don’t  want to do this anymore!”
 
 …the wind picked up and Khushi closed her eyes…and she heard a voice…her mothers voice…she heard it clearly as she heard it when she was 8…

Khushi heard what her mother spoke to her, the day before she was killed…


“I know you feel fear, and that is not a weakness…but no matter the situation, don’t let fear control you…because there will always be caring arms to comfort you… mine…God’s…or the person God sends to you…remember…you are my strong daughter…you have my spirit in you…and God’s spirit…which can’t die…ever…”
 
Khushi knew that her fear had been controlling her mind and heart for a long time…

She had been so badly shunned and abused that her fear was constant …


She couldn’t deal with every fear at once, but her Amma’s last wish to her was that she wouldn’t let fear control her….


Khushi opened her eyes, only to come face to face with total darkness…


Khushi clutched her chest, feeling her fear rise…


No light.

Her panic was so strong that she failed to hear all the commotion inside the room behind her…


Khushi was begging her mind not to let  fear control her but was losing the battle fast…


The darkness around her started to spill across her soul, making her feel  as though she were falling again…


Please…God…please…send someone to save me…


And at that very moment, she felt strong , caring arms pull her close…

………………….

Arnav was still outside their room reprimanding the family…

“Do any of you even know how far we’ve driven her!? How much we’ve crushed her?  She’s so broken i am terrified that she can’t get past this!” he was turning red with a mixture of fear and fury…

 
Payal put a caring hand on his arm…”i know you love my sister …i’m sorry i spoke out…i have seen the lost look in Khushi’s eyes…even in the last few days when she’s tried to be happy for OUR sakes again…hoping that we don’t feel too bad for too long…i am too afraid of how she is coping…when pushed to her limits she gets…well the only time i’ve seen her that way was when her parents were killed…she ran away…that’s how she came into our lives…brought light…brought happiness…”

Just then Payal’s phone started to ring…

She answered seeing that it was Garima…


“hello? Yes amma?”


Payals  horrified eyes suddenly shot up at Arnav…


Akash grabbed the phone away from her when she began to shake, and when he heard what Garima was saying, he dropped the phone to the ground…


“BHAI! Khushi called Garima! She’s wants  to disappear! She’s going to run away!”
 
Terror took over Arnav’s heart.

He glanced back at his bedroom door, and saw that all light was extinguished…


He instantly ran to his door and burst in…


Darkness.
 
Arnav’s heart was racing…..

Yelling toward Akash, Anjali, and Payal, he commanded…”Check on Shyam! Turn ALL the lights in this house on! And go to the entrance of the house and don’t let anyone in or out!”
 
They instantly dispersed to do what Arnav had said…

“No way Khushi…I won’t let you do this! I won’t let you disappear from my life!”


Arnav ran out to the poolside and quickly turned all the lights on…
 
Khushi.
 
He saw her standing there.

Eyes shut tightly.


Clutching her chest in fear…


He was beside her in a flash and enfolded her against his firm body….


Khushi’s body sank into his, and she inhaled his familiar scent.


Arnav held her until he felt her heartbeat return to normal…

He nervously lifted her chin and brought her eyes to meet his…


His soul was almost bleeding with pain…


“Don’t leave…..” he said brokenly…” Don’t go… i’ll back off. i’ll stay away. i’ll make everyone stay away. i’ll do whatever you want me to do. But please don’t go. For all the things i’ve done to you…”his tears  were hitting her cheeks ..”the word sorry is not enough…tell me what i can do to help you, but please don’t go…even if i just have to watch you from afar…even if i never touch you again…i just need your presence in my life…you’ve made me whole and…desperate. I’ll do anything for your love. Tell me what to do to win you back.”


 


 
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